ASOS, fashion, MAC, Nars, Outfit post, outfits, plus sized bloggers, plus sized fashion, plus sized summer dresses, Primark, Tatty Devine, tropical

Tropicalia

A word of advice – never bet. Or, to be more precise, never bet on the outcome of premier league football. Earlier this year, emboldened by wine and my own misplaced bravado, I made a foolhardy bet with Mr. McMc that if Tim Sherwood kept Aston Villa up this season, I’d buy him dinner. At the time, it seemed like a no brainer. Villa’s prospects were poor and Sherwood didn’t exactly excel as manager during his time at Spurs. Well, the gilet-wearing git only went and did the impossible. And, because I am a woman of my word, I decided to dress up all fancy last weekend and take my bird out for a slap up Tapas tea.

ASOS dress body shot

One day I will post an outfit picture where I am not squinting, and where it doesn’t look as though I’m going to leap through the screen and beat you up.

ASOS sandals

I’d like to apologise for any trauma that readers experience after being subjected to a picture of my manky feet.

DRESS: ASOS

BELT: Primark

SANDALS: ASOS

NECKLACE: Tatty Devine

EARRINGS: Topshop

The dress is an oldie-but-a-goodie that I bought from ASOS last year after seeing it worn on the always glamorous George from Fuller Figure Fuller Bust. Sadly, you’re going to have to take my word about it revealing a tasteful amount of back, as it turns out it’s nigh on impossble for me to get a decent picture of my own back, even when I’m contorting myself in front of a mirror. However, the crowning glory of this tropical mess of an outfit is the sandals. I lost my head slightly during ASOS’s 20% off everything sale a few weeks back, and decided that they were just the shoes I needed to cut my feet into ribbons this summer. Like so many shoes I’ve bought in my lifetime, while they look gorgeous, they require a whole lot of breaking in. In a fit of ill advised vanity, I decided to wear them to a meeting in Manchester last week, and spent most of my time there waddling around like a duck as they rubbed on the sides of my feet. By the time I managed to hobble back home, my blisters had blisters. What can I say? I suffer for my art.

MAC - All Fired Up

I’ve spoken before about my deep deep love for MAC’s All Fired Up, but it has very quickly become my go-to lipstick. Perhaps it’s because it goes so well with my hair, or perhaps because wearing such a bright shade makes me feel incredibly joyous, but it feels like the perfect lipstick for summer. I rarely leave home without it.

NARS lipgloss

And because I’m such a generous person, here’s two selfies for the price of one, and a shout out to NAR’s lipgloss in Corsica which is just gorgeous. Purchased during what I am now calling ‘the great ASOS spree of June 2015,’ it’s an incredibly flattering shade of pinky-brown with just a touch of shimmer. It’s matt, isn’t sticky or gloopy and has real staying power (or as much staying power as you could ask for from a lipgloss.)  I’m not the greatest fan of lipglosses, but (like all NARs products) this one is a real keeper.

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Gogo Philip, little mistress, MAC, Outfit post, Plus sized, plus sized fashion, vintage

Jump Jump

Last week saw me travel to London to do a professional baking course, write a huge presentation about cake, go to a wonderful cookery night with Great British Chefs, come home, wake up at 7am the next day to travel to Birmingham to give a presentation about fa(t)shion blogging at BlogCamp (hello to everyone I met there! Thanks for listening to me go on about myself!) and then travel back to Liverpool for my to my soon-to-be sister-in-law’s hen night where I did a lot of awkward dancing, drank one too many cocktails, and wore a pretty snazzy sequined jumpsuit. No wonder I’m bloody knackered.

Mirror selfie

Jumpsuit

I appear to be working some remarkably impressive ‘resting bitch face’ in this picture.

A chubby Elsie Tanner

JUMPSUIT: Little Mistress
BOOTS: Vintage
LEOPARD PRINT COAT: Vintage (Ebay)
EARRINGS: Gogo Philip

I’d originally purchased this jumpsuit to wear to my DJ’ing extravaganza last month, but due to a delivery cock-up, it didn’t arrive in time. I’ll let Little Mistress off the hook this time though, because this jumpsuit is absolutely glorious. It’s chic with just the right amount of razzle-dazzle, and wearing it with my leopard print coat made me feel like one of those glamorous bitchy women you’d see in a 1980s soap opera. Best of all (with a bit of manipulation), I could zip the back up-and-down by myself without having to ask anyone for help crawling out of it when I needed a wee. Although this did lead me to think that the person who invents a jumpsuit with a handy flap – thereby allowing women to pull down the appropriate section for toileting – will make millions.

One note of caution though – this is an item obviously created with the taller woman in mind. I’m 5ft 7 and wearing a size 20 here, and the legs fit beautifully, without dragging on the floor. However, if you’re a touch shorter, consider taking the legs up a notch, or wearing skyscraper heels so you don’t end up tripping over yourself all evening.

MAC lipstick

Seeing as it was pay day and, well, I felt like it, I also invested in a new lipstick – MAC’s All Fired Up – purchased from the hottest branch of MAC (both in terms of heat and the attractiveness of staff) I’ve ever been in. In the tube, it looks almost fuschia, but I found it to be a gorgeous shade of red-pink once it was on my lips. It’s from their Retro Matte range which means it’s very matte, and last ages, but can be a bit drying. However, I love it, and have already added it to the rotation of ‘lipsticks I carry around in my handbag in case of emergency’. (The emergency of course being that I need to apply lipstick.)

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Leopard print, style icons, sunset boulevard, vintage

Style icons: Norma Desmond

Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond

On Friday, I had a day off work, a ‘night at the darts’ induced hangover, and a stinker of a mood. In such circumstances, there’s only one cure – to boil up a pan of Bailey’s spiked hot chocolate, curl up on the sofa and watch old movies. I’m currently making headway through all the classics I can rustle up on (American) Netflix; All About Eve, Mommie Dearest, Of Human Bondage, Mildred Pierce and the most meta-old-Hollywood film of them all, Sunset Boulevard. 

If you’ve never seen Sunset Boulevard, drop everything and watch it now. Seriously. This blog post will still be here when you get back. Not only is it one of the most brilliant film noirs ever made (the body in the swimming pool! The monkey funeral! That final scene!) but it features the magnificent Gloria Swanson – titan of the silent screen, stone cold fox and all round bad-ass. These brilliant Scandals of Classic Hollywood pieces goes into great detail about why she was so legendary, but tldr; she owned a gold plated bathtub, had six husbands and spent $10,000 a year on lingerie. If that’s not aspirational, I don’t know what is.

Norma Desmond smoking

Norma Desmond, the doomed heroine of Sunset Boulevard, is undoubtedly her best role. Clad in oodles of jewels and leopard print everything (even her car features a leopard print lining), she is a glamorous spider luring the naive Joe Gillis into her web. Her style throughout the film is utterly flawless, always skirting the edges of being over the top yet jaw-droppingly glamorous. These are the outfits you wear when you want to command a man or a room. If you fancy unleashing your inner Norma, here’s an outfit you can wear so you’re always ready for your close-up (Mr. DeMille.)

Etsy Leopard print turban Lipsy Animal Print Heeled Sandals Lindy Bop winnie-vintage-vamp-40s-50s-style-dress-with-leopard-print

ASOS Handmade Acetate Cat Eye Sunglasses Bill Skinner Gold Plated Leopard BangleEbay cigarette ring

TOP ROW:  Turban, Etsy. Shoes, Lipsy.  Dress, Lindy Bop.

BOTTOM ROW: Sunglasses: ASOS. Bangle: ASOS. Cigarette holder: Ebay.

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